When I started off on this journey that I am currently on it started because I had decided I was no longer going to waste all of my energy trying to fight the man and get decent medical care, it was obvious to me that my lawyers were just as big of pieces of shit as my doctors and the pharmaceutical companies. My taste in men had left me in a precarious situation where I had to chose between the comfort I had become accustomed to and what I believe in. This choice left me without the comforts needed to combat this disease the ways I had been somewhat successful with in the past. So I decided I had enough knowledge in my tool belt to make myself comfortable and that I was going to set out on a journey of living while i was dying. Because let’s face it folks we are all fucking dying. Just because I have cancer does not mean I am going to die one second before my time on this planet has been served. All it means is there is great potential for unnecessary suffering. I was not about to let some fuck in a white coat or some fuck in a suit on wall street that has stock in pharmaceutical companies make another fucking dime off of me. Frankly I am still of that mindset, only my scope has broadened.
Being an eternal optimist and no matter how hard I have tried in the past to kill that part of me I have hope embodied within my soul, in fact it is the very essence of who I am. This being said I decided that I was writing the script to my life and that I was created in the image of God and that I have within me all of the power of God and the only thing separating me from that power was my attempt at being human. So if I am here on this planet in this form and aware that in fact I am not this hair, I am not this skin I am the soul that resides within and if I go even further with that thought and remember who I really am and from where it is that I come then it is within my realm of possibilities to speak my own destiny. And so I set out to re write the script of my life. It started with my bucket list. Because like I said we are all dying. I intend to live while I am dying. I intend on writing my own destiny. I believe I have immeasurable power all I have to do is tap into it. Everything I need is already available to me. No one needs to go into a lab and mix together a bunch of poisons to help me on my way. The earth is my lab and there are many natural healers willing share their knowledge and help me along the way.
I have all faith that I am on the right path and that like begets like and that if I listen to my gut and drown out the cloned voices that come from my heart I will not be led astray and the right souls will align themselves with me. I do not have to hunt for them, they are indigo they are my tribe and they will find me. My beacon shines bright. The path I am on is the right path and my motives are pure. I have been given a gift of sight that many do not have and I can see past the veil I will no longer ignore what I see…You need to earn the right to stand beside me. I would rather stand alone than stand with the wrong one. there is a lot to be said about a person in the company they keep. So I shall commence with my bucket list
- leave the world better than I found it
- hold my granddaughter
- help Charming with his career
- dance with Axl again
- eat dinner with Kid Rock
- see Marc graduate college and help buy his gym
- publish my book
- believe in love again
- have a successful blog
- host my own talk show
- New York